I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
