You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize