You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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