he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
