i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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