im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do vagina's smell?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
