Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
