have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
