I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
