the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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