i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
