I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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