then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
