i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
