Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
