come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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