does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
