So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
