so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
