He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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