it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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