I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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