my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
