guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
