I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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