I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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