he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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