It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
