i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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