i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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