I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
