hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
