my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
