I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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