you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
