I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
