p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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