If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i now understand why vodka
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
