I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
