I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
