Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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