I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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