It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
