Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
