big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
