We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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