I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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