I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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