I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
