The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
