chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish I only lived at night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
