the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
