I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
