so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
