Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
