is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
