It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
