It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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