we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize