Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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