It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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