apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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