even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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