You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
