they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
