I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wear drunk well.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize