I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
