Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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