Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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