Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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