I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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