He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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