My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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