What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
