he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
