don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
