Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
