I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
