ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
