And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
