meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The air taste purple.
Randomize