I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
